New Products from Acme
posted: March 22, 2007
Lately I've been fooling around with obscure 19th century engineering engravings to fashion modern technology to make our lives easier here in the 21st century. I am also searching for gullible venture capitalists.
Rob Dunlavey March 22, 2007
Register your patents Hal! They're all winners! Howzabout a "Drawger Comment Enhancer"?
Bob Staake March 22, 2007
funny stuff, hal(iburton)! i just think it's great that we old fart illustrators seem to be the ones less reluctant to really play with our established styles and venture into new aesthetic territories*. there might be hope for us after all! *reincarnation DURING our lives
David Goldin March 22, 2007
Dear ACME Complaint Dept. I recently purchased one of you ACME© Noiseless Flatulence Release System™ The NFRS 2000. While the product did work as described in the manual, it said nothing about the red mark it would leave on my rear end. Some discoloration might be expected in some cases, but this was more like capillaries popping. Please let me know if there is a way to adjust the settings and/or if this is perhaps defective and in need of replacement. - Thank you
Hal Mayforth March 22, 2007
Dear Mr. Goldin Although we have received few complaints about our Flatulence Release Product, your comfort is of the upmost importance to us. May we suggest a couple of drops of 3 in 1 oil. Happy off-gassing! Acme Product Support
Zina Saunders March 22, 2007
Sparkling and hilarious stuff!
robert hunt March 22, 2007
These are cool, hal!
David Goldin March 22, 2007
Dear ACME Complaint Dept., in regards to my previous grievance with my NFRS 2000, your recommendation worked however... I find the odor of 3-1 oil emitting from my rear is sometime less than desirable. While chatting with dinner guests about my situation a few helpful ideas were exchanged. After a few trial and error experiments I've found that spray PAM works best. You might want to add that to the owners manual. sincerely, Happy Customer
Carl Wiens March 22, 2007
Holy cow, Hal, great series! I am patiently awaiting the arrival of the mind decramper. Don't these arrive by parachute immediately after ordering?
Hal Mayforth March 22, 2007
Dear Mr. Goldin. We are delighted that you have discovered a fix. Our product is designed in accordance with a mean sphincter aperture index. This complicated formula is implimented through guidelines set by our Federal Government and is meant to apply to most US citizens. We don't know why you had difficulty with our product, but we are happy it is resolved and will move your inquiry to our "Satisfied Customers" folder. Also can we get your permission to tell your story on our website? Acme Product Support
Larry Ross March 22, 2007
Riotously funny, Hal!
David Goldin March 22, 2007
Dear Acme Product Support, you are welcome to use my testimonial in reference to your product. ACME is a brand that stands behind it's products, except the Noiseless Flatulence Release System™... I wouldn't stand behind that. Ha ha ha, y'know what I mean? sincerely, satisfied customer
John Dykes March 23, 2007
Dear Satisfied Customers, As chief counsel to ACME, I have been asked to 'release' the following: Please temporarily DISCONTINUE usage of our Noiseless Flatulence Release System™. We've had reports of an unintended minor noise release.
David Goldin March 23, 2007
Hal, this is bad news... investors are getting nervous.
Scott Bakal March 23, 2007
Hal: ...I have nothing to say, and I don;t use this word often, but these are pretty damn close to genius. Excellent stuff and funny as hell. I ran out a bought my flatulence reducer immediately...and those who know me well...very well, are appreciative. Great work!
mark fisher March 24, 2007
Hal, the engravings and the drawings work great together. As always your system delivers laughs and whimsey at satisfying rates.
Mike Moran March 24, 2007
I thought the Acme Noiseless Flatulence Release System was a new kind of Mayforth colonoscopy invention! Great,great stuff Hal.
Hal Mayforth March 24, 2007
Thanks for all the responses, folks. Presently I'm in negotiation with several airlines to include a smaller version the Acme Noiseless Flatulence Release system in those snack packages that include pepperoni on transcontinental flights. H.
chuck April 7, 2007
awesome ''Laughing Song'' starting production end of April
All images copyright Hal Mayforth and may not be used without permission | 802-229-2716